Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Prayers Needed

Things in the CICU change so fast. 

About 20 minutes after I posted my last blog, Micah began to desat down to the 30s. During the first desat, the nurse and the respiratory therapist were able to bring his saturations back up. Five minutes after they left the room, he desatted again. They brought him back up but it took more time and a few more hands. It happened for a third time and I found myself in a room full of doctors and nurses.

Next thing I know I'm speaking with the director of the CICU, Dr. Berger. He's explaining that Micah is unable to keep his saturations up without constant intervention. They had to give him epinephrine and bicarbonate to artificially raise his blood pressure to push blood to his lungs.

They ordered an x-ray to ensure correct placement of his breathing tube and ordered an echocardiogram to analyze the function of his heart. I could hardly believe the room could fit anymore people or machines. The x-ray results were good.

I became irritated because doctors and nurses would speak in low voices to each other with their backs turned towards me. I kept hearing, "cathetarization" and "unable to maintain levels." I tried to ignore them by looking at Micah who seemed to be growing paler by the minute. Looking at him made me want to fall apart and I really wanted to keep it together until I knew the plan.

Every so often a doctor would come up to me and brief me about what was going on. Finally a surgeon, Dr. Nath, approaches me and says that Micah is unable to stabilize himself and they have to put him on ECMO.

My heart just sank and I began to cry.

ECMO is a heart and lung bypass machine. It's a machine that provides temporary life support. I don't want to explain it here, so you can Google it if you'd like, but it's basically a last resort when the heart and/or lungs aren't functioning properly.

I spoke with Dr. Donofrio who explained that the echocardiogram showed a narrowing of the conduit leading to his pulmonary arteries. As a result, blood flow to the lungs isn't good and they would need to perform a cathetarization to confirm the results of the echo. He'll probably get a cath in the next 24-36 hours and if all goes well we can begin weaning him off ECMO.

It's unbelievable how quickly things can go bad. I feel terrible. I can't even imagine how Micah must feel. Please pray that the risks associated with being put on ECMO are avoided and pray for a quick and safe weaning from the machine.

It's hard for me to comprehend that I have one child on life support and one completely healthy child at home. Why?

:'(

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13 comments:

  1. Life contains the capacity, like flames that reach toward heaven, to transform suffering and pain into the energy of creation, into light that illuminates darkness. Like the wind traversing vast spaces unhindered, life has the power to uproot and overturn all obstacles and difficulties. Like clear flowing water, it can wash away all stains and impurities.

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  2. Praying for Micah and you. Guardian angels, please help!

    Jennifer Basinger

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  3. Praying for your family ��
    Brenda Amaya

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  4. Prayers for your family, Micah, and the doctors.
    Connie Zapiain

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  5. Ray, I'm sure you don't remember me from college. Apparently a grade school friend of mine is a family friend of your wife, and here I am. We're not too far south of you (Fredericksburg), and my spouse, too, converted to Catholicism before we married in 2007. We have two small girls (4 and 2) and lost another at 14 weeks last summer. Please know that our family is praying for yours, for sweet Micah's recovery, for strength and peace during this time. If there is ANYTHING we can do, please don't hesitate to contact me. We may even be able to help with Luna if that situation has not been resolved. My email address is hokiegirl07@gmail.com. God Bless. -Jessie Stewart

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  6. The entire Cunningham family is praying for baby Micah and all of you. I remember watching Megan and Andrew go through very similar things with Caleb. It was so tough to watch, but God was working the entire time, even during the tough times. God's peace!

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  7. Asking Mother Mary to wrap her mantle of grace and healing around you all!

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  8. Praying for your son's full recovery Laura and Ray and for your strength. God wouldn't give you something you can't handle. Keep your heads up.

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  9. Praying for your little one.. and you.

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  10. I don't know if this will help... My Joe had open heart surgery at 3 months for AV canal defect. What I've learned since then is that whatever suffering infants experience is IN THE MOMENT. They will not remember it later. For Joe -- and as I understand it -- other infants, medical procedures and surgeries are easier because they "forget" it. Children who have medical procedures when they are older will remember, but infants DON'T. I don't think Joe remembers the lung surgery he had at age three, either. He's now 11, and he may need heart surgery again. (We're back on meds hoping the leaky repaired valve won't get worse.) I know that IF that happens, it will be more traumatic because he will remember it.

    Right now, YOU will remember all these details, and it is more traumatic for YOU because you hold on to the memory.

    I remember how Joe suffered when they tried 9 times to stick him to get blood, when he had pneumonia before the heart surgery, and he was beside himself. However, I was probably crying harder than he was. He doesn't remember.

    I remember how he cried in pain pain after heart surgery. I could see that he was in pain... and I could be his advocate to get the meds for him, but he (mercifully) doesn't remember.

    BE STRONG for Micah in the moment.

    There is no answer for why one child is healthy and another is not. What I have learned from NICU and is that there is blessing in suffering, and blessing in infirmity. The goal is to bring a child to God. We cannot know the path. Sometimes, the child is the one who leads us to God through more perfect surrender, which leads to grace. Trust even when you cannot understand.

    My prayers are with you!
    Peace!

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  11. Thanks for you prayers and support everyone!

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